Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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