Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
