thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
