is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
