I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
accomplished twins. life is a go
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
