I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
FUCK WHALES
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