he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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