You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
