Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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