She said her name was "party"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
