i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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