Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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