The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
