i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
