they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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