Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
