had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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