You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
