Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
