you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
