Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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