so explain again why im purple
no
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
