She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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