Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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