laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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