Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
