Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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