If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
