It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
