Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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