absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
