Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
