Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
