Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
