Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
