She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
