It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
