I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
