I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
