i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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