My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
