Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
