is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Congratulations! We have a period
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
