I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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