i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
