i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
