Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
