I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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