It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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