kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
