3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
