One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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